Blogging With Reckless Abandon

Nicole, I shall fight you Tom Hiddleston spam with a Chris Hemsworth spam! Why? Because I just found a crap-ton of amazing Chris hemsworth gifs, which you inadvertently led me too! 

(talking about ASSETS test to our friend)

Mom: English is like a second language to her. 

Me: What’s my first language then, mom?

Mom: Vulcan.

Me: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. 

Jessie: That ain’t right :)

I just found out my I have a copy of Henry David Thoreau’s Walden <3 <3 <3 Guess what book I’m reading next!!! <3 <3 <3 Thoreau<3 <3 <3

Talking about pictures

Me: Why do I always have to smile in pictures? David never smiles.

Mom: Because he’s a better person than you 

Dad: Wow, picking favorites now are we?

Me: 0_0

David: -_-

Don’t read this.

I don’t want you to.

I’m expressing my inner-most feelings.

My feelings are mine and mine alone. 

Sharing hurts.

Any words that have any weight, 

cling to my skin like burning embers,

they sear my skin and let people see the scars. 

I cannot sit there with my insides on display.

I cannot share,

I cannot share my emotions.

I will pull my bright green cloak over my raw and yellow body. 

I cannot burst out with feeling,

I just figured out how to tell people how much they mean to me,

and I can barely do that. 

I cannot confess. 

I care too much about other people to let them see me.

I am comfortable in my body, social status, I don’t care what others think,

but I am not quiet in my mind.

My mind keeps going and going and it won’t stop itkeepsgoingfasterandfasterandIcan’tkeepupandIwantittostopbutitjustkeepsgoingovercomplicatingeverything

It just keeps going with the vibration that makes my body hum with ideas.

I try to distract it but it keeps coming back and pulling me down, stealing my sleep. 

I am locked in my own cage.

I put myself in here.

I hold the key, 

and I refuse to let myself into the light.

Because if I did, it would rain the blood of my own heart on top of me and
I would drown. 

I can’t handle my own emotions. 

I can’t handle others’ either, but they’re always pushing my back and clinging to me like  a greasy vapor.

It’s much better to stay hidden in my cage, than to be covered in blood. 

So, please don’t read this.

I don’t want you to. 

They’ll just poke me with more healing needles and give me more medicine. 

Please, please, please just don’t read this. 

In my mind, I breathe fire.

My chest swells and anger rolls out of my back.

Whenever you speak,

You act so all-knowing.

You tell me what to do

and I REJECT it.

I REJECT your rules.

I’m better on my own.

Your support is worth nothing when it is only when I listen to you

Idiot

Asshole

Pill

When I answer your stupid questions.

Honesty is the best policy, as long as you don’t tell the truth.

Spit out words like sugary pieces of feces is how you want me to speak

Unless I am speaking of something that you disagree with

Then I can be as crass and honest as I like,

and you laugh.

You’re lucky I am true enough to myself not to disagree with you out of sheer rebellion

Like I do with most everything else

Rule about this and rule about that

Why can’t I just do it my way?

Because you can’t.

That’s not the way it works.

Well, screw you!

My way is the best for me and I will follow it!

I like breaking rules

If I could break gravity, I would

Not for a dream of floating

but because it told me that that’s the way things are.

I REJECT all rules but my own

I feel the thorny chains pulling me down

and digging under my skin

They give me an impossible itch

I squirm and twitch but,

the repressed anger circulates through my body

in free green veins

searching to escape from any breach in my skin

But release will never come because there will always be rules

For those dumb enough to need them. 

I REJECT them as well

Looking for someone to reign over you is pathetic.

I spit my acid words at them

from inside my mind. 

But the words will never hit them.

With derision, because that would be cruel.

I want to rid myself of these annoyances

Many are called ‘people’

REJECT REJECT REJECT

Your stupid rules

Your attitude

Your thoughts on how I should think

I don’t want to be loud like you,

therefore REJECTion is my answer

and I fight and endure all punishment

In order to REJECT your rules.

Confused, always confused.

Lost in a giant world,

touching and learning. 

Brief flashes of color.

Tragedy and candy.

Big, big world.

I remember nightmares more than things that happened

Weak and afraid of others

Afraid to follow the secret remedies of fairytale books,

that were supposed to make you beautiful.

I thought I wouldn’t be recognized if I were beautiful.

Afraid to turn into Cinderella,

minus the prince.

Clinging to fantastical stories of brave heroes.

Tearing the heads off of Barbies,

making my Betty Spaghettis superheroes

Asking for Batman and Gargoyles 

(even though I couldn’t pronounce it),

instead of Barney and Dora the Explorer

As I grew,

I still clung on to those childish things.

A naive view of the world, I still hold on to.

I refuse to be corrupted.

A stubbornness that was even apparent at my birth,

I clawed my way out before they said I could.

I refused to be born on their time. 

But I was always confused.

Always, always confused.

I walked in a cloudy bubble,

to short to see above anything,

and not wishing crawl down with the monsters.

Nothing could hold my attention for long,

I would get distracted by the thought of vampires in the sewers.

People walked by with blank faces and soggy words,

that never stuck in my brain.

They just slid off the side of my head, even the most repetitious.

Sick from human contact

Animals are better, 

stuffed or alive.

They aren’t confusing

Neighborhood kids ran outside and kicked and screamed

They had no time for my oddities,

and I ignored them. 

I sat on the swings and stared at the sky,

belly full of exhilarating fear.

Going higher and higher,

but not too high.

I heard Icarus’s story too many times.

Bellerophon’s fall as well, all the way from Olympus.

I grew up, but not too much.

Everything just got more confusing. 

Philosophical thoughts escaping through the little holes in the back of my brain.

Still, I am confused, always confused. 

…therefore I’m going to be posting my three confessional poems over the next few days (so I don’t spam). :D

fuckyeahgallifrey: